Archive for Life Journal
Crying as I read My Own Post
Posted by: | CommentsI have not written any thing on this blog since January 8th 2009. As I read some of posts, especially the one on December 21, 2008 where I mention my dear Mother and caring for her, I cry. My Mother is gone now and I no longer have to be her caregiver.
Everything I wrote back then or thought back then or felt back then seem like lifetimes ago. Now that she is gone, I would love to be able to know what I know now and be her caregiver again.
I would taken better care of myself by hiring someone and therefore would have been less stressed and therefore more patient and more loving in those very stressful times. But I have to tell you that in the end, THE ONLY THING THAT WAS LEFT AND THAT MATTERED WAS THE LOVE WE HAD FOR EACH OTHER.
I had no idea…I truly had no idea how very much I loved her. I knew I loved her but nothing could have prepared me for the surprise of the love that came to feel for this sweet precious lady…My Beloved Mother.
I have written some poetry when I will post in the next days. It is 1 A.M. here and I can not believe I am writing this late and posting on my blog again.
Living Close to Nature & Free to Write
Posted by: | CommentsThis morning I spotted a raccoon on my back fence and what happened after that inspired me to write.
When I spotted Mr. Raccoon, I moved close to him, to see if he was okay, not knowing if he was possibly stuck on the fence. I was startled a little as I didn’t have on my glass and as he moved his head I was fixated on his eye. His eye could have been the eye of a loving dog I thought. I felt a closeness to a raccoon!
He seemed a little startled too as I could tell he was having trouble maneuvering on the narrow fence. Being concerned that he might get stuck, I decided to move away from him so as not to scare him.
As I headed back into the house, I stopped and gazed at him again with my hand on my heart. I heard some birds singing and asked them to help the racoon.
Right at that moment a bird flew into the tree under which I stood. And right after that a red bird (not sure what kind) flew very close to the sour orange tree next which the raccoon was perched on the fence.
He was looked at me and I could only see the one eye–it looked like the eye of a human. So compassionate and so full of wisdom. I was deeply moved and felt we had communicated somehow.
Then another bird flew over to the bushes and I could hear birds singing in the distance, and I imaged that the birds were assisting the raccoon in some way.
As I stood there, I felt happy and realized that I would love to live closer to the “wild”, that I would love to dedicate my life to helping the suffering animals and humans. That I would like to live close to Nature and be free to write.
Writing about Being My Mom’s Care Giver
Posted by: | CommentsI didn’t think I would write much about this. But then I realized that most of what I experience on a day to day basis, is caring for my elderly Mom. So I realized that I sort of wanted to hide this part of my life from this blog. And as I have considered and contemplated writing about it or not, I see that not writing about would be a mistake for many reasons.
First of all, caring for my Mom is a major reason why I have so many ups and downs when working on my blog and other projects. So it actually effects my blog anyway! Remember how a few days ago I was inspired and was working towards really delving into David Whyte’s work? And then I dropped out and only posted small–non-inspired probably posts? I was going through a rough time during the holidays with my Mom.
So this morning as fate would have it, I found a CD about dealing with irritations. I listened to the first part of it and my perspective about “dealing” with my Mom has started to change. I will also be writing about this after I listen to the whole CD and also personally work with it more myself.
The CD is by a Meditation Teacher who teaches in universities and has done lots of research on his way of teaching. He tends towards bringing in his Zen Buddhist background, but I assure you that any one of any faith can benefit from this. I actually worked with his CD program on pain years ago when I had a pain in my finger and nothing I did, including massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, meditation, relaxation…none of it would touch it. His name is Shinzen Young.
The Swan, David Whyte & My Life
Posted by: | CommentsI am truly so inspired by having found this on the internet:
Crossing the Unknown Sea (excerpt)
by David Whyte
As it so happens, the piece in David’s CD Program which I refer to in an earlier post, that so affected, is from “Crossing the Unknown Sea”.
Right now I am going to take a break in keeping with my new intent to live my life differently. So far today I have felt energy and inspiration, but right now I can feel I need to take a break.
I leave you with the link above, in case you want to check it out now, before I post my experiences with Rilke’s poem and David Whyte’s writings. I feel like the Swan that is resisting going in to her element: the water.
Writing to Slow Down
Posted by: | CommentsI am sitting at my computer working on my blog. I am aware that as I write, I feel like I am in a big hurry. I wonder if I didn’t have to concern myself with making money, if I would slow down. Heaven knows that I do all manner of things to not get stressed out and to not be in a hurry about life.
I realize that the act of writing seems to focus me and help me slow down a bit. However, my mind is still thinking about what I need to do next, like go care for my 94 year old Mom who just woke up.
I noticed yesterday that my earlier posts had a few sentences that did not read very well. I don’ t think that came because I was in a hurry then, because I wasn’t. I just forgot to read my post because I was excited to get it published.
It looks like I am really going to make this blog in part about my life, and life in general. After all whatever else we want to blog about, it is always life, isn’t it?
I am at a stage in my life where I have a need to delve deeper. It is more then a need, though, it is simply happening. I am a bit surprised to be writing this for anyone to read, but then maybe, just maybe, this can inspire others to write about their lives. It is extremely therapeutic I find. And a good help when depressed or feeling stuck. I will write more about this later.
Writing My Way
Posted by: | CommentsYou must know that I have been struggling with how to structure my blog. I want to earn money with this blog, but I can’t make that rule what I do.
I am not going to pretend that I am just a nice person writing a blog to share with everyone–although I am that too 
I have taken many “blogging courses” and belonged and still belong to several memberships with the top experts. And I am gettin’ exhausted trying to sort out how to put together the “right” way. Today I literally was so exhaused I laid down for several hours.
I decided to listend to the Poet David Whyte on one of several cd programs of his and I remembered hearing what I am about to share on one of the cd’s months ago. Below I will share snippets (probably paraphrased) of some of what I heard and that struck me to the core…to my heart.
Today I became exhausted while working on structuring my blog and “figuring out” the categories and all of that. Well, this has happened many times. Ya think I’d get a clue?
Look, I am in the same boat as many folks are right now, we want to earn more money. My problem has been that I am very selective about what I really have passion about it. Of course there are some who say, promote what sells. But that bores me to tears and you know what? It also exhausts me.
Ok, back to those snippets, which you will see how it all ties in. If you are in my shoes, you might be inspired and enjoy. They are from David Whyte’s CD program and much of it is paraphrased.
Whyte said to Brother David (I think that was the Brother’s name): Speak to me of exhaustion. The brother answered: the antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest…the antidote to exhaustion is whole heartedness.
And this, might as well have been a brick dropped on my head, he continues: The reason you are so exhausted is that much of what you are doing you have no affection for. Urgh…no affection for…as in no passion for…no feeling for…no heart for!
So I have decided that I am going to just write, because this is where I can be “whole-hearted”. I am not going to worry about pretending I am not marketing anything or trying not to offend anyone.
Instead of spending more months racking my brain as to what products I can unobstrusibly share on the blog, I am just going to sell ads on my blog. And you will see them in the sidebars. And then we can both go on to my sharing and if it speaks to you, we can have a dialogue and some good communication through the comments section. And unless you have a porno site, you can add your links!
And you know what, I can feel my energy coming back. Somethin’ to this whole heartedness business, eh?
In case you all don’t know Heather Armstrong, she blogs and she shares about her life and she has lots of ads on her site. And no one seems to care. And she earns a lot of money with those ads and more power to her!
